Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Hardest Part

When I began thinking about moving across the Atlantic Ocean it was way back in August and next Summer seemed like a lifetime away, but it's now mid May and July is right around the corner. The closer it gets to me actually moving the more I think about what I will miss most when I leave and what kills me is thinking about moving away from my nephews. If you didn't know I have 3 nephews, Seamus 6, Braden 6 and Cameron 3 and these 3 boys are my world! Obviously I will miss my whole family when I move, I mean I talk to my mom at least 2 to 4 times a week and I talk to my sister almost daily, while I don't talk to my brother all that often I know he's still only a phone call away. They'll still be just a phone call away, but a more expensive phone call in a different time zone. However not being there to actually watch my nephews grow up makes me sad. Granted I haven't lived in the same state as any of them for the last 3 years, but I have been able to go home pretty much whenever I want and hang out with them. Well my brother lives in Indiana so I don't see Seamus as much as I see Braden and Cameron but I still see Seamus at least 2 times a year and talk to him on the phone.
These boys are just so funny. Seamus is a mini version of my brother and I am convinced that Eric and Nikkii had him so that he could drive me crazy like my brother did when we were kids. One Thanksgiving my Mom, my aunt and I went out to Indiana to visit and we all went for a ride. At the time my brother was driving this big ass of a truck that fit all of us, but I had to sit in the 3rd row with Seamus. I got wet willied, tickled and poked and prodded the entire ride. The one difference to him not being my brother is that I am actually bigger than Seamus so I can over power him unlike when I was little and had to deal with my brother being bigger.
Braden I helped raise pretty much. Pretty much from the moment my sister had Braden I think I was at her house every day. The weekends were spent being picked up by my sister in the morning around 9am, spending the whole day with her and B then her dropping me off at home around 10pm. Any free moment I had I was with my sister and Braden. He was like my little doll, I would dress him up in different hats, scarves, jewelry wigs which is probably why he loves wearing costumes (although now his costumes are of super heros and not wigs.) I also used to say that when B grows up he is going to say he has 2 mommies, a mommy mommy and an auntie mommy I was that involved in his childhood.
Cameron is my little buddy. My sister swears she had my children and I can probably agree that Cameron could have been my spawn :) Not only does he look like me but he has since taken on the nickname that my father fondly referred to me as...The Demon. I love all my nephews equally but I have a soft spot in my heart for the Cam Man b/c he his the baby and I was the baby. I watch him run around and want to play with the big kids so badly but b/c he is the baby the wont always include him, which is what I dealt with growing up. I was always being left out of playing with my sister, brother and my brothers best friend so when the other boys are trying to run away and hide from him or not include him it makes me very mad and's actually been known to bring me to tears when they leave him out.
These kids are my world and it makes me so sad to think that I am going to miss out on so much, even if I am gone for only 6 months! Growing up I really only knew my aunts and uncle on my moms side because all my dads siblings lived in Europe. To me it was always weird to know that I had 4 aunts and 1 uncle that I had only met on a couple occasions when I was really young. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I started developing a relationship with them. And I know that I have a closer relationship with my siblings than my father did with his so I know I wont be some stranger who lives in a foreign land. But sometimes I can't help but think that's what's going to happen and that's what makes moving to London so hard sometimes.

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