Lent...

I'm not really a religious person...ok I'm not religious at all. However with yesterday being Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent it got me thinking.  Usually people give up vices at this time of year, but at the time I realized it was Lent, I had already cursed a blue streak and was drinking a large mug of coffee. So much for giving something up.
But, I remember a conversation I had a few months back regarding this and someone said that they have a friend who instead of giving up something, they spent 40 days trying new things.  I thought, you know, that's a good idea!  Since yesterday what have I tried?

Day 1: Blogging with only a photo as my inspiration (yes I realize this is a stretch, but it is something new!) 

A Redhead In Style

Day 2: Capers

So far so good... I'll be sure to keep you updated!

Change

I used to have this quote written on my mirror and I think it needs to go back up there.  

I've recently been stuck in a rut of negativity and excuses.  I've been a 'pity me,' 'my life sucks,' 'nothing is going to get better' kind of Jean lately and that Jean is no fun...I know first hand.  

I made a resolution this year that I would be aware of the good things in every day.  I bought this journal where I would write down at least 1 good thing that happened each day. I started it off with a bang but recently, when I started getting stuck in this rut each day it became a struggle to find something good.  I need to get back into the positive thinking.  As soon as things start to fall apart I start to fall apart with it.  Its not good.  

So I'm putting it out there.  I need to turn this around. Be thankful for what I already have and not bitter for what I don't have.  Things are not going to change if I don't change the negativity.  I need to get this through my head.   

Today, although its a bit chilly out, the sun is shining and London looks promising.  Its the start of a new week and that means I can start with a clean slate right?  As I said...I'm putting it out there.  Sad, lonely, self-deprecating Jean needs to jog-on and I need to find the girl who people like to have around.  It wont happen over night, but it will happen!

Wasted Talent

I'm an artist. I started dancing when I was five then traded in my ballet and jazz shoes for music books and singing lessons. I traded those for scripts, late nights rehearsals and line learning.  I went to university for theatre, then in my late 20's, early 30's I started taking more classes at an acting studio in New York.  I also wield a mean make-up brush and worked professionally as a make-up artist for some years. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm pretty good at both the acting thing and the make-up thing. But...all of my talent is going to waste.  I sit behind a desk 40 hours a week, answering calls and the only acting I do is pretending I work for the company I answer the phone for.  I keep asking myself "Who am I? What am I doing with my life?" I feel like I lost myself somewhere down the line and I'm not sure how to find my way back to myself.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I really want to pursue my acting any more. I don't really have the drive and ambition. Not to mention career-wise I like the stability of a getting paycheck every month. I want a career and I want creativity.  Is that too much to ask for?  I feel like it is.  I feel like I have turned down the wrong path somewhere.  I'm not saying its London at all. London is probably the best decision I have ever made. It has forced me to take responsibility for myself and my actions.  But right now I am struggling.  I'm an artist. I thrive on being creative and being around creativity.  My job doesn't allow me any of that. Its an office job, in the most boring office on the planet and it pays me peanuts so I can't go to the theatre or the cinema or exhibitions I would like to see.  I need that outlet and its been taken from me.

I need your help my dear friends.  Suggestions? Connections?  Can you help a girl out?